Battling my demons...literally

I don't know any easy way to explain this.  According to my beliefs I don't necessarily believe in ghosts per se- we believe that until the second coming spirits who are separated from the bodies (died) will reside in spirit paradise or spirit prison according to the type of life they life on earth.  Heavenly Father does grant some of these spirits the ability to show themselves to others, but it is not a "haunting", it is most often to aid or deliver a message to someone who needs it.  We also believe in angels but those sightings are even more rare.  Then there are the demons.  In what we call the premortal life, there was a great meeting in heaven where Heavenly Father decided we needed to be sent to earth and to be tested. There was great discussion as to how that was to be accomplished but there were basically two plans. Lucifer said that he would force everyone to make the right decisions and so then he would receive all the glory. Jesus said he would let everyone choose for themselves but that he would lead a perfect life and sacrifice himself, paying the price for the sins we would make so that if we would repent we could live with Him someday. A battle ensued between those who followed Jesus ans those who followed Lucifer. 1/3 of God's children decided to follow Satan and chose not to receive bodies. These are demons and they uphold Satan's works today.  Everyone else who has ever lived on earth or will live decided to follow Jesus's plan and therefore had the great blessing to receive a body.

So since I think a haunting would be contradictory to Heavenly Father's plan of happiness, I must attribute my recent experiences to those demons.  We know from the bible that Jesus cast out devils from man and sent them into pigs who then ran off of a cliff.  I have never been possessed but from this scripture I know that demons sometimes mess with us like that.

My first experience was when I was 14. When it happened I didn't tell anyone about it because I  was afraid that admitting it out loud would make it worse.  In the middle of the night something shook my bed, and it shook for a while.  I didn't open my eyes to see what it was.  I ran to my parents room saying that something was in my room and my Dad broke out the louisville slugger and went to town looking underneath my bed for an animal even though I knew  there was no animal in there. Needless to say I spent the night in my parents room.  Since  then I have had the bed shake maybe four or five times.  Not too bad considering it's been ten years since the first time but the worst is not knowing when it's going to happen.

Then after Dennis was born, he got up in the middle of the night and was screaming his head off.  It was a scream unlike any I had heard before. I went to his room and he was pointing at the corner of his room.  I managed to calm him down and put him back to bed but then as Scott and I went back to sleep we saw our room darken with shadow  very noticeably.  In another case, I awoke because someone was closing my nose shut making it hard for me to breathe, and then I heard someone say my name.

Last year Dennis said that a monster was shaking his bed. Since he had never heard my story this concerned me because I knew he couldn't just make this up.  It worries me that he is experiencing things like this so young, much younger than I did.

Now that I am older I am much more sensitive to how things feel. I can go into a room and recognize immediate peace and comfort when the spirit of God is present.  I can recognize when something not as welcoming is there too.  I feel like what I'm dealing with is not attached to location, though, because it seems to happen no matter where I go.

Since moving to our new apartment, I have felt several times that there is something there. It's not always present but it does come.  I feel it several ways 1) It's as if all sound leave a the room 2) cold chills up and down my body 3) overwhelmingly and suddenly nauseous.  I will have one or a combination of those three things combined with a feeling of dread.  I have been awakened several times in the middle of the night by noises here.   I am able to go back to sleep because of Scott's presence and the fact that he holds the priesthood makes me feel safe.  However since he has been working the graveyard shift and leaving me to sleep alone at night, the "visits" have become more frequent.

 At 5:00 in the morning a few weeks ago I was awakened by a sound coming from my right and I could have swore I thought I saw Dennis go into our closet. When I went to go get him out of there, nothing was there.  Dennis was asleep in his room.

I haven't been able to sleep because I am halfway waiting for the signs that something is there, even though I feel like there is nothing I can do if something comes.  I am so exhausted and tired from fear, anxiety, and worry and lack of sleep that I feel hopeless.

Last night I wasn't able to fall asleep until 4:00am.  I woke up from a dead sleep at 4:30. I don't know what woke me up but I remember that I was sitting.  I rolled over and started trying to go back to sleep but felt really uncomfortable.  It felt like something was wrong. I was sweating underneath the covers because it is so humid here.  Then at 5:00am I felt cold chills and the sound left the room and I knew there was something right beside me. I felt it around me and I told it no.  Or I tried to say no but it came out as a tiny squeak.  I tried saying a prayer, I tried sneaking into Dennis' room to sleep, I tried cleaning. Nothing made me feel more comfortable and every time I walked back into my room I had cold chills.  I finally announced out loud that I was pretty cranky at having to be up and that I didn't appreciate this.  That's when I heard banging noises coming from all over the apartment. I walked past the laundry room and heard hissing noises.  So I went all around the apartment and threw all the lights on, turned Pandora on the tv and set it to my Mormon tabernacle choir station and furiously cleaned so I wouldn't be driven crazy by the fear. When Scott got home we rededicated the apartment and he gave me another blessing that said I would be safe from evil and given the strength to fight off the spirits and that I am stronger than they are and they know it.

I feel better but still a little apprehensive.  I am desperate for answers and solutions.  I don't understand why heavenly Father would allow this to happen to me.  I did feel like I needed to share my experiences though, so I figured by sharing my story I can either get answers or help others who may be dealing with similar problems, for I remember a few years ago I sent a message to one of the people on the Mormon help websites and told them my bed shaking problem. The reply I got was from a young missionary who said he didn't know what to tell me, but that it happens to his sister too.  My family seems to have a sensitivity towards it, since all of my siblings have paranormal experiences,and so does my mother and it seems like Dennis may be sensitive as well.  I am at my wit's end and a lot of people keep telling me that fear only makes it worse but I don't know how to stop myself from being afraid.  I feel like I am doing everything I can but I am still being plagued by this.  I know courage is not the absence of fear, but action in spite of that fear.  I feel like I am at least being courageous ny facing it every night even though my situation grows more bleak to me.  I know God loves me and I know there is a reason for this.  Hopefully my sharing this will help someone and maybe that is the reason for this happening.

I do feel comforted in knowing that because I am doing everything I can, possession is mot an option.  I am not inviting it in any way, and it is probably just the fear of the unknown that haunts me the worst.  I know that Satan and his followers have no power of you unless you give it to them and I don't feel like I am doing that, but I just want to feel safe in my own home, whether Scott is there or not.  So I will try harder to make my home a place where the spirit can dwell, a place where everyone can find refuge from those nasty spirits.  For me that means that if I won't let Dennis watch a show or movie I shouldn't watch it either.  I will try not to yell as much and I will try to use kinder words.  Maybe the Holy Ghost will help fend off whatever may be bothering me, but at the least it will give me confidence that I am doing everything in my power to keep it at bay.

Hoping to get some good sleep tonight.....