Families are Forever!

Every so often I am lucky enough to be able to have a startlingly clear glimpse into what awaits us in the next life.  Last night was one of these lucky moments for me.  I was watching the "Spiderwick Chronicles" movie alone in my room since Scott is studying for his limited scope license, and for those of you who haven't seen the movie, Arthur Spiderwick, who was the author of the book this movie is centered on, was taken away by "fairies" and preserved in another kind of dimension where the passage of time was much slower than in the real world.  Upon his capture, he left behind a little daughter who couldn't have been older than 10, I think her name was Lucia.  Lucia said she spent her life waiting for her father to come walking back up the path, and finally after some time she gave up hope.  By the time Arthur Spiderwick was able to come back to see her, Lucia was an 86-year-old woman.  Arthur Spiderwick said he couldn't stay because all his years would come back to him at once and he would die.  So Lucia says "okay, then this time take me back with you."  So they hold hands, and Lucia is youthened to the exact age she was when her father first left her, and the movie shows them walking back the road to the other dimension, surrounded by fairies.

At this point, I was struck by such a powerful force that I immediately started sobbing.  I was hit with such a clarity that this was just like how it is with Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation.  Lucia spent her whole life fatherless, but she was able to return to this sort of "paradise" where time essentially stands still to spend the rest of her days with her father, having the exact relationship as when he left her.  All of her earthly cares, sorrows, and struggles were lifted.  I knew that the same was true for me, and for anyone really, having lost a loved one, or who has become estranged from a family member, like a sibling or son/daughter or father/mother, or other similar circumstances.  I saw a vision where I was with all of my family together, not only the ones who came before me who I haven't even met, but also my posterity as well, all together, enjoying the same relationships we had or will have here on earth, living our lives for eternity in pure bliss under Heavenly Father's presence, and this revelation I had almost literally paralyzed me with happiness.  It was almost as if the Spirit had lifted the veil from my eyes for a few blissful seconds, and it is something I feel compelled to share with others.

I don't know why Heavenly Father chose to share this with me at this time, because I know I have been very undeserving.  My heart of late seems to have often been filled with anger, stress, and impatience.  I haven't been doing very well in doing the things that keep me close God, not to mention the things that will keep our family close to God.  I felt very undeserving, and yet my heart was overflowing with the love I felt from Heavenly Father.  I felt his forgiveness, understanding and acceptance of the things that I had been doing with my life, but I understood that he allowed me to see/understand this eternal truth because I needed this gentle reminder to get my life back on track.  How could I have forgotten that this life is the only time that I have to prepare to meet God?  I get caught up with the other things in life, like taking care of my family, chores, work, etc., which are all well and good, but when the Judgment day comes, is it going to matter who clean my house is?  This life is so short, and everything I do now will depend on the type of eternity my family and I have later, and I want to make sure that I am preparing myself to live in Heavenly Father's presence.  Once I prove myself, all of my sorrows will be lifted and I will be able to live the rest of eternity in happiness and peace.   

I am so grateful for Heavenly Father's love and wisdom.  I am grateful for his Plan of Happiness.  I am grateful to be able to be sealed to my family for time and eternity and I'm especially grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have of the gospel, for the comfort, peace, and joy it brings to my life.  I am eternally grateful for my Savior, for I know that without Him, the Plan of Salvation wouldn't be possible, and I know that because of Him I can repent from my sins and be relieved of my pain and suffering.  I am grateful also, for all of my many, many blessings.  In this time of unease where we hear of earthquakes, floods, fires, wars and rumors of wars, for surely we are in the last days, I realize that everything I have is a gift from God, and that includes my life, my family and every earthly possession.  I know that He is entitled to take any of these things away in an instant, but I am grateful that he allows me to have these things.  Who would have thought a silly movie like this would have opened my heart and allowed the Spirit to touch me?  God surely works in mysterious, but wondrous ways.   

21 Days to Make a Habit

Small update: I've just completed week 2 of my new life and I've lost about 10 pounds so far and I got my first compliment today.  It feels good to set a goal and accomplish it!  I told my Mom the other day that I was ready for my marathon any time now, because I feel so strong and empowered!  I've never had the determination I've needed to complete any one of my attempts - weight loss or any other thing in my life.  I feel uplifted to know that I can have the strength to achieve my goals after all.

Also, on this Valentine's Day, I want to express to my husband my love for him.  He may not be the most diplomatic, or the most attractive, or the most romantic, but he tries to show his love for me everyday and I appreciate that and love him back for it.  So Scott, even though our road may not have always been paved with............. well, paved period, and my heart may not have always been sure, I see in front of us a glittering gold road that leads to the most beautiful sunset you can imagine.  Continue to be patient with me as I try to develop myself, and I will do the same for you.  My world wouldn't know happiness if I didn't have you in it.  You're like a million m & m's to me! (And you know how I love my m&m's!) I love you Scotty!  Thank you for choosing me to be your eternal companion.

Time to Face the Facts

Okay it's time to be honest with myself - I'm no pixie!  Not now, nor will I ever be, but the fact remains that the 100 pounds extra that I gained when I had the baby remains on my body not because of him, but because I continued to keep up the crazy neurotic eating habits I had when I was "eating for two".  I've been struggling for two and a half years to lose the weight I put on by trying to exercise more and eating right, but the daily struggle I already had with finding enough time for working, performing my calling, visiting teaching, cleaning my house, chasing after Dennis etc., etc., was directly conflicting with the extra time and energy I needed to buy and make healthy food and getting up early to exercise.  Not only was it extremely difficult to keep up the motivation I needed to get up at like 3:30a.m. to do that stuff, but when I did work up the determination to do it, my efforts fizzled out after a week or two because I lost focus.  Then, because I'm a comfort eater, I suppose, I would have a lovely chocolate binge to make myself feel better and of course, that undid anything I managed to accomplish the previous weeks.

So I go to my endocrinologist about three and a half weeks ago and she tells me that my blood sugars have been terrible, and I agree and I told her I" don't check my sugars as often as I need to, and I get lost in my other daily routines."  She tells me I've gained 11 pounds since the last  visit.  I said "I'm shocked", but I wasn't really.  She tells me I need to step it up and she'll see me in three months.  I said "Obviously that isn't working for me.  I'm too much of a slacker.  I need to see you once a month for butt-chewing."  So I go back again on February 15, 2011.

Since then I have reinstated the proper diabetic habits, however, I was still having trouble losing weight! 
I realized that yes, I do eat to deal with the stress and emotional downs in my life and I knew that that needed to stop.  I realized that if I need to get up early to exercise and I was still having trouble, I could turn to the Lord for help.  I realized that part of my problem was I was only thinking short-term.  I was thinking "Okay I only need to lose 'x' amount of pounds to get to the point where I'm healthy again".  But now I know that this needs to be a long term commitment or it won't last, and that means changing my lifestyle, not just "dieting".  And changing your lifestyle is uncomfortable and up to that point I had not been willing to give up my comforts, Now it was easier for me to wrap my head around what I was doing and I have been successfully following a diet and exercise plan without losing focus or steam since last week, and once I get to my ideal weight, I plan to only moderately adjust that plan so that I can always maintain that weight.

Also, last Sunday a talk was given by Sister Workman (who by the way is an absolutely wonderful speaker - everytime she speaks the Spirit touches my heart).  Her whole talk was very inspiring, but she said a couple of things that were also very meaningful to me.  1) That we must always be moving to the Light of the Lord, or we are moving away from it, even if we don't consciously believe we are doing so.  She used the example of a slinky and an escalator.  She said that it was possible to walk up an escalator that was moving down, but the minute you stand still, the escalator moves you back down to the floor.  2) That we are not supposed to be at a certain "point" by the time we leave this life.  Everyone is different, has different circumstances, situations, trials and problems.  There is not some universal standard one has to meet in order to be able to live with God again.  For some reason, the second comment lifted this burden off of me.  I always compare myself to those Sisters who are more righteous than myself, to those who I could only wish in my wildest dreams to become, and it has always brought me down to know that I will never become like them, because it just doesn't seem possible for me.  I realized that I could give myself a break, as long as I was always trying to move up that escalator, spiritually, and (in the case of my weight loss struggle) physically.

I hope that I am able to follow through this time with my goals.  I hope that by making these goals public I will be more responsible because I am trying to make myself more accountable.  I just need everyone's encouragement, love and support.  And a side note to my grandmother, encouragement does not mean to continue telling me that I'm fat.  But it's okay, I know she does it in love!